Scared To Love You
by lovecamedown
Summary: "'Because if I walk away,' he said, 'then you can't leave me.… You can't break my heart.' ... Maddy hesitated. Her voice was no where near steady. / Rhydian finds himself terrified of love and the thought of Maddy leaving, so instead of letting her in, he breaks his own - and Maddy's - heart... He runs away. / One-shot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Wolfblood.

* * *

"Rhydian, if you keep pretending everything's okay when it's not, you're going to end up feeling worse." Maddy said, exasperated and tired and fed up of Rhydian drawing away from her. He'd always done it, and he'd always had a habit of trying not to let people in, but it had never gone on this long before. Normally, Maddy would have been able to get through to him by now; she would've got him to talk about what was on his mind.

Rhydian had been acting off for a week or so now, but he hadn't yet opened up to her about whatever was bothering him. And when he'd shown up at her door that morning, she'd known that he really wasn't okay just by the look on his face and the way he was carrying himself.

"I'm fine, Mads." Rhydian said now from his place on her bed. He was sitting up against the headboard, not quite looking at her, and Maddy was over at her dressing table, straightening out the kinks in her hair with the hair straighteners. Rhydian's voice was low and distant, and it made Maddy feel sad.

"No, you're not fine." Maddy argued.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know _you._ "

Maddy watched him, and she could practically feel his urge to roll his eyes. "Okay," she said, a little more forcefully this time, turning off the hair straighteners and walking over to the bed. She sat on the edge of it, facing him. "What's wrong? Why aren't you telling me? You always tell me stuff. It's what I'm here for! Always, you know that."

There was a pause. "Maybe that's what I'm scared of." Rhydian muttered, eyes down on his fiddling fingers.

"What?" Her brow furrowed in both confusion and concern.

Rhydian sighed and it sounded frustrated; like he wished his last sentence hadn't come out of his mouth before he'd thought about it. "Maybe I just…need space sometimes.… You know?"

"No, I don't know," Maddy said, "what are you on about? Why do you need space?"

"I don't know, it's just..."

There was a break in words again as Maddy waited for him to finish his sentence. When she realised he wasn't going to, she spoke. "You said you were scared of something," Maddy said softly when his sentence faded off. She wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but she had a feeling he didn't want her to. "What is it?"

"I'm scared of this." He replied, and it was like all his walls just came crashing down in that moment, because after that he didn't stop. "Everyone in my life has left me, Mads. Everyone. And I'm scared of never finding happiness. I'm scared of you leaving me just like everyone else, and that makes me scared of _being_ with you for a long time. The whole commitment thing scares me, okay? Is that so terrible? _That's_ why I need some space. I'm scared of forever."

Maddy pulled her head back slightly, feeling a little hurt. She tried not to let it show. "So…you _don't_ want to be with us forever? Is that what you mean?"

"No," he answered straight away, as if it were instinct. He glanced up at her for a moment, but then looked straight back down. "That's not what I'm saying. My wolf knows I belong with you, it's just…"

Maddy cocked an eyebrow. "The human's not so sure?" She finished his sentence for him, her eyes searching his face, the only feeling behind her brown orbs being sadness.

Instead of jumping to his defence and telling her that wasn't true, he remained silent. He still wasn't looking at her. In fact, he _backed away_ from her.

"I just…we've been getting so serious lately, Maddy. I'm not sure I'm ready for all that yet."

"But you said you wanted to be with us. Ages ago, Rhydian." Maddy's voice was becoming increasingly thicker with tears and confusion, and she didn't like where this conversation was going.

"I know, and I still do…I think."

"You think?" Maddy stood up. "I asked you if you were sure all that time ago, and now you just _think_ you are? You should know by now that I'm not going anywhere, Rhydian!"

Rhydian sighed, reluctantly pushing himself off the bed and standing up. He didn't step closer to her like he usually would have, though, and it made Maddy feel even more out of her depth. "That's just it, Mads. I do know that. But then I start worrying, what if I'm just being blind? What if you really will leave and I'm just oblivious?"

"That's ridiculous,"

"Don't say that! It makes me feel crazy!"

"Well you are crazy, if you think I don't care about ya!"

"That's not it. I know you care about me."

"…what, so that's not enough?"

"I didn't say that."

"So what are you saying, Rhydian? Because if you don't tell me, we can't work it out. _I_ can't work _you_ out this time. I can't help you if you don't tell me."

Rhydian shook his head. Maddy couldn't quite tell whether he was shaking his head at this situation, at his own thoughts, or at her. Maybe it was all of the above.

Maddy had thought she'd proved to him that she was never going to leave. She thought he'd gotten over his fear of commitment and staying in one place for a long period of time; but by the look on his face and the way he was standing – such a familiar position; his fists clenching at his sides and heard turned away from her – she knew that his fears had returned, and they were bigger than ever.

"Rhydian," she said softly, stepping towards him. Her breath caught in her throat when he stepped away from her. "What scares you so much about being with me? – About commitment?"

His eyes fell to the floor and he brought his hands in to his pockets. She could hear the rapid beats of his heart, and she could tell he was trying to hold back tears. His breathing was strained, raspy, and it told her he was on the edge.

Maddy was terrified that, any minute now, he would turn and run. He'd done it before, and she'd never thought he would do it again, but now it looked a heck of a lot more likely than ever. This fear was seriously taking over him; his eyes were distant and dark. His whole body language practically screamed, _don't get too close._

"Because commitment has never been a thing in my life," Rhydian answered eventually, his voice thick with threatening tears. "My dad left when I was a kid, my mum left me – I know now that it wasn't her fault, but it still _hurt_ – and every single one of my foster families have given up on me sooner or later. Even the Vaughans will, eventually."

"You don't know that," Maddy tried to make him feel better, but her eyes were glassy, her forehead wrinkled and she wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold him. He was hurting. He was hurting a _lot_ , and the fact that she couldn't comfort him was extremely unfamiliar to Maddy. She felt out of her depth.

"But it'll probably happen. And I know you'll get sick of me, too. That's why I've walked away before, Mads. Because I know you'll leave."

"You don't know anything." Her voice was tiny now. Thin. Weak. Wet paper.

"Look, Mads…I'm sorry,"

A frown broke out on to her face. "Sorry for what?"

"…I have to do this." He continued, as if she'd never spoken.

"Do what?" She questioned, standing up straighter, panicking. She folded her arms over her chest and, although she tried to look strong and assertive, she just looked terrified. When Rhydian didn't answer her, her face straightened out in realisation. She tried to keep her voice steady. "…Leave? Is that what you're saying?"

"I'm sorry, Mads,"

"I don't think you are."

"You have no idea what it's like," he said suddenly, his voice louder than before. And finally – _finally_ – he looked up and in to her eyes, his forehead wrinkling further when he saw her tears on the very edge of falling. "You don't know what this feels like. I'm only doing this because…I…"

"Because what?" Maddy prompted when he didn't finish his sentence. She was trying to fight for this, but deep down, she knew there was nothing she could do. Rhydian was going to walk away – he was going to run from his problems, _again_ – there was nothing Maddy could do to stop him. Not this time. Because he didn't believe her words enough when she said she loved him and cared about him.

And when Rhydian spoke again, his voice was rougher than Maddy had ever heard it. Tears were in his eyes now, and Rhydian begun questioning what he was even doing. "Because if I walk away," he said, "then you can't leave me.…You can't break my heart."

Maddy stared at him then, her brow furrowed, and the first tear fell out of her eye. Her bottom lip quivered ever so slightly and she looked in to his eyes before taking a shaky breath to speak. This time, her voice was no where near steady. "So instead, you're going to break _my_ heart?"

Rhydian looked away. He clenched his jaw, and then he shook his head.

He didn't say anything else before he walked away.

* * *

Rhydian walked through the woods. He walked at a fast pace, almost a run, and to be honest he didn't even know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away. He couldn't risk being hurt; he couldn't handle things being serious.

He'd run away many times before, and it had never brought him any good, but still he did it. And he didn't even want to. He _really_ didn't. But…

His endless train of thoughts were broken when a familiar scent filled his nose, and then a voice he knew all too well echoed in his ears.

"Rhydian?" Jana's voice piped up from behind him. Rhydian turned to face her and tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"Hey, Jana." He said miserably, kicking a stone along the floor. He didn't want to talk to anyone. "What are you doing out here?"

"Taking a walk," Jana walked towards him, a frown on her face. "What are _you_ doing out here? I thought you were at Maddy's today."

"I am. I mean…I was."

In his peripheral vision, Rhydian saw Jana look him all over. Her brow furrowed when she took in the tears on his cheeks, the way he was holding himself, and the distant look in his eyes.

She sighed. "Alright, what's happened?"

"Nothing." He didn't want Jana to know there was something wrong and he _definitely_ didn't want Jana telling him that running away was a bad idea and not the best thing to do, because he already knew that. And he knew that if he let slip what was going through his head, she would try to convince him not to do this. He didn't want convincing. He just wanted to run. It was what he was best at.

"I've known you for long enough to know that you're lying right now,"

Rhydian had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He scuffed his foot against the floor, not looking at her. "Fine, you got me. Something happened."

"Are you going to tell me what, exactly?" Jana asked softly. When she didn't get an answer, she sighed again. "Come on. We'll talk at the howling tree." She jerked her head in the direction of the tree.

Reluctantly, Rhydian accepted the hold of his best friend's hand and followed her begrudgingly, his feet trudging along in the leaves.

* * *

"So," Jana started now that they were seated comfortably at the foot of the howling tree. Their knees were up at chest level, and Rhydian wasn't looking at her. "What happened?"

Rhydian still had a face like thunder. He picked up a twig and begun snapping it apart with his fingers. "I don't even know."

"By the looks of things, you were running away.… Again. Am I right?"

Rhydian shook his head very slightly, but it wasn't as a 'no'. He was shaking it in disbelief of himself. "Yeah." He replied, and Jana sighed.

"Why? What caused you to need to run away?"

"I'm just…," he exhaled loudly, throwing away the pieces of twig and letting his head fall back against the bark of the tree. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" Jana asked, almost incredulously. When he didn't answer, Jana turned her head away to think for a moment. He obviously wasn't going to tell her straight up. She'd have to do some digging herself. "You were at Maddy's. Right?"

"Yes."

"And then you ran away. It must be something to do with Maddy.… Did you have a fight?"

"No…not exactly. Sort of. I just…," he sighed, and then he shook his head, embarrassed by what he was about to say. "I don't want commitment, Jana. Well, no, I do, but I'm just…I'm scared of it."

"But why?" Jana asked. "Commitment is a great thing. You're committed to Maddy, Maddy's committed to you…what's to be scared of?"

"Exactly. She's committed to me _now_ , but…"

Rhydian explained the whole thing – saying pretty much everything he'd said to Maddy back there – and Jana watched as his brow remained furrowed and his eyes stayed sad. Jana took his hand supportively, observing as his jaw clenched and unclenched tensely.

"Do you know how much that girl cares about you?"

Rhydian clenched his jaw. "I know, but…"

"I don't think you _do_ know, Rhydian. She really, really cares about you."

Rhydian didn't respond. He picked up another twig, and half of him wondered why he wasn't already somewhere on the moors, miles away from here.

Jana sighed, exasperated.

"She loves you, Rhydian," Jana said, frowning over at him. He still wasn't looking at her. "She loves you more than anyone else, and I know that scares you but you can't let that stop you anymore. You can't do like you've done with everyone else and push her away. Because if you do that, you really are stupid. You can't just throw something like this away, Rhydian. You can't throw Maddy away."

Rhydian remained silent for a moment, letting the truth of Jana's words hit him. "I'm not trying to throw her away..."

"Then what are you trying to do?" Jana pushed.

"I'm just scared, Jana!" Rhydian practically exploded, throwing his twig down to the floor with force.

"I don't want to hear it!" Jana cried. "You've got absolutely nothing to be scared of. Nothing. Do you hear me? If you run away now, you're going to lose everything in life that's important to you. And that'll be down to _you_ ; no one else. But if you stay, you're never going to lose it, because she's not going anywhere."

Rhydian exhaled from his nose. He wasn't looking at Jana, but she was looking at him, and she could tell from the expression on his face that he knew she was right. He was clearly being reluctant in accepting that he knew this, but he definitely did.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Jana asked.

"Maybe." Rhydian replied, his voice a murmur.

"I am right," Jana said decisively. "And you know I am." A smirk was playing on her lips, and she watched as one broke out on to his too. Again, it was reluctant, but it was there.

"I see that smile," Jana grinned, nudging him playfully in the ribs.

"Shut up." Rhydian pushed her away jokingly.

"Go talk to her," she said. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"How do you know that?"

Jana couldn't believe that even after their talk and the way he clearly didn't actually _want_ to run away, he was still fighting going back. She rolled her eyes. "Because I know you. And I know how you feel about Maddy."

Rhydian sighed through his nose. He shrugged. "I guess I should, shouldn't I?"

"Yes."

He looked as though he was considering it for a moment, but then he shook his head. "What if she's angry at me?"

"Don't be such a scared little cub," Jana said, her tone slightly teasing. She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "She might be angry, but even if she is, she'll still forgive you. And anyway, she has every right to be angry. You practically broke up with her...and for no reason!"

Rhydian looked down sheepishly. He didn't say anything.

"Go," she pushed.

"Okay," Rhydian replied eventually. He got up off the ground, dusted off his trousers and then helped Jana up. "Thanks, Jana. I'd be halfway to Scotland by now if it weren't for you."

"You're welcome," Jana smiled. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. He reciprocated, holding her tight. "Let me know how it goes?"

"I will. See you later."

"Good luck!" Jana called after him.

 _I'm gonna need it,_ Rhydian thought to himself. He headed for Maddy's house, palms sweating and mind racing.

* * *

When Rhydian got back to Maddy's house, he didn't need to go inside. He caught scent of Maddy before he saw her; she was sitting against the big tree in her back garden, and when she was in sight, Rhydian approached her tentatively. She didn't look at him, but he knew she had smelled him. She picked up a twig and played with it between her hands.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"You decided not to run away again, then." Maddy said bluntly, still not looking at him.

Rhydian frowned and sighed ruefully, his hand sitting limply in his pocket. "Can I sit?"

"Sure. Don't mind me. But you smell like Jana." As much as Maddy didn't want to come across as being mad at him - because really, that wasn't going to help anyone - she did sound blunt and curt, because he'd scared her. (No, scratch that, he'd _terrified_ her). He'd made her think he was leaving. _Again._ And for good this time.

Rhydian sat down next to her, not touching her at all. "She talked me in to coming back."

Maddy laughed. A short, sharp laugh that ended as soon as it started and suggested that she really wasn't happy. "Good to know you had to be talked in to coming to speak to your own girlfriend after scaring the life out of her."

Rhydian sighed again, letting his head fall back against the bark of the tree trunk. "You know that's not what I meant."

"What _did_ you mean, Rhydian? Because I never know with you."

"I just…," Rhydian started, but he faltered. Even he didn't know what he was thinking.

"Here we go again with the 'just'. Running away and basically breaking up with me because you don't trust us isn't 'just' at all. You terrified us."

"I'm sorry," he said, and his tone was so sincere and so soft that it took Maddy slightly by surprise.

"You should be," she said.

"After all this time, I know I can trust you. I do. I just got scared, is all. Everyone in my life has left me, Mads. Or at least most of them have at some point."

"But I never have. Not when it was my choice, anyway."

"I know," Rhydian answered almost straight away. "I know that."

"And I never will."

He hesitated. "I know that too."

"Oh, really? You seemed pretty convinced that I will earlier."

Rhydian exhaled again. He sounded frustrated, and Maddy knew that it was with himself.

"I'm sorry," he said again. And then, "how many times do I need to say that?"

"A lot."

He looked over at her and saw that her eyes were still cast downwards, and they were sad. He took in every inch of her face; how her hair was slightly falling over it, and her forehead was wrinkled, and everything about her just looked sad.

"I love you," Rhydian said, just because it felt like a good time to say it. He didn't know what else to say to her.

Finally – _finally_ – she looked up at him. Rhydian saw tears sitting on the edges of her eyes.

"I love you too," her voice was weak and thin and raspy, but there was a tiny, tiny glimmer of hope behind her sad tone.

"Please forgive me," he begged, "I take back everything I said. I didn't mean any of it. I love you, Mads."

"You're not going anywhere?"

"No. Never."

Maddy bit her lip. She seemed to shuffle towards him ever so slightly. "Neither am I. Believe me, this time."

A tiny, exhausted smile escaped his lips. There was a moment of silence. They were just looking in to each other's eyes, letting the tense air fizzle out between them.

"You're everything," he said, shuffling closer so he could lean his forehead against hers. He was almost mumbling now. "You know that, right?"

"So are you."

"I'm sorry,"

"...You don't have to say it anymore."

"You said I'd have to say it a lot." He smirked.

Maddy grinned in return. "I take that back. For now, anyway."

He grinned too. "I love you."

"Now _that_...you can say as much as you want."

Rhydian smirked. "I love you." He repeated

Maddy sighed happily. "I love you too, Rhydian." She leaned in then and left a soft, slow kiss on his lips.

"Now come on," Maddy stood up and held her hand out for him. He took it willingly. "Let's go inside. Mam and dad have gone out."

Rhydian grinned and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She wrapped her arm around his waist in return and buried the side of her head in to his chest.

He felt more secure than ever.

* * *

 **A/N:** _*dusts off shelves, opens the curtains*, HELLO. Does anyone remember me. I am that Maddian trash girl who hasn't written in far too long. Who is a rubbish reviewer for my favourite writers. Who's had awful writer's block and still has it now._

 _I found this fic half finished in my documents and managed to get it finished; it was something I really wanted to get done as I felt super excited about it. I'm so sorry I've been gone. And that the Ancient Grudge one-shots haven't started yet. Things have just been..._ weird _and not so fun lately and writing just hasn't been possible with this writer's block on top of everything else :') still, I really hope you enjoyed this one shot. I loved writing it, I know that much._

 _I don't know when I'll be back for good or when I'll start the one shot series, but I miss you guys, and I miss writing. Here's hoping I get inspiration soon!_

 _Do let me know what you think. Feedback is always appreciated, as you know. :)_

 _Love :* xxx_

 _PS._ _If on the rare occasion you've missed my rambling and fangirling (doubtful, very doubtful), you can always follow me on my social medias! Links in my profile :) (Tumblr being a personal fave at the moment)._


End file.
